Definitely Maybe

Got the bike out today.  Thought I could ride the beach as the sun was out.  Thought I would sit on a sand dune and write this blog.  Probably took me 2 hours to get ready.  its surprising the amount of things you have to take with you. (or dont and I was just being over cautious.)  Then there was the outfit.  Full Lycra or half and half.  I went for the second option after seeing the look on my wifes face.  To be honest I felt better about it.  

Anyway 10 miles later I was there.  Despite riding into the wind all the way there it was nice to go across the country lanes.  See things I haven’t seen before so close to home.  The best weather of the year so far to.  Got to the beach and found my spot. BUT no internet. (what we do before smartphones) I don’t know the lyrics below off by heart and I hadn’t planned what to write. SO I enjoyed the view for 20 minutes and headed home.  Still… I had a nice time.

Supersonic (Oasis)

I need to be myself

I can’t be no-one else

I’m feeling supersonic

Give me gin and tonic

You can have it all but how much do you want it?

 

I put this song on yesterday whilst making tea and noticed some of the lyrics to have a meaning I found to be different than before. I need to be myself, I can’t be no one else.  That’s exactly it.  That’s how I have dealt with Anxiety and depression.  It’s the best way to take a step away from the issues you deal with each day.  It’s easy to put a front on.  Pretend you are playing a role.  You learn to get good at it.  In the end I think that persona kind of takes over and you believe it yourself.  I know it’s a coping mechanism and I know I have used it for a long time.  I’ll probably use it again.  I think doing this lead me to believe I can progress further at work. (You can have it all but how much do you want it?)  I could overcome my issues without dealing with them.  Got that a little bit wrong…..

 

Another Oasis song which has always made me think is Half the World Away

I would like to leave this city

This old town don’t smell too pretty and

I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

And when I leave this island I’ll book myself into a soul asylum

’cause I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

So here I go, I’m still scratching around in the same old hole

My body feels young but my mind is very old

So what do you say ?

You can’t give me the dreams that are mine anyway

Half the world away; half the world away

Half the world away

I’ve been lost I’ve been found but I don’t feel down

And when I leave this planet

You know I’d stay but I just can’t stand it and

I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

And if I could leave this spirit

I’ll find me a hole and I will live in it and

I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

Here I go, I’m still scratching around in the same old hole

My body feels young but my mind is very old

So what do you say ?

You can’t give me the dreams that are mine anyway

Half the world away; half the world away

Half the world away

I’ve been lost I’ve been found but I don’t feel down

No I don’t feel down

No I don’t feel down

I don’t feel down

I don’t feel down

Don’t feel down

I don’t feel down

 

The whole song hits a chord (Wahey).  I have actually only just noticed the last 6 lines.  I’ve probably sang this (to myself) a thousand times without taking the words in or the meaning.

I would like to leave this city. This old town don’t smell too pretty. My feeling for some time is I want to get away. I want to go live in the forest and start a new life.  Not sure what i’d be doing but I wanted to be away from others, I picture it as this lovely log cabin where the kids can play and a great life can be created for my family.  The reality is I just want to run away from the issues that affect me.

The song mentions I can feel the warning signs running around my mind.  I couldn’t put this much better.  Everyone knows when they aren’t well but sometimes you don’t know if there is anything you can do about it or if doing something about it will cause more issues.  Speaking about mental health can cause a lot of worries and it shouldn’t.  The warning signs have been there for ages and I haven’t been brave enough to find out what they mean.

My body feels young but my mind is very old.  Well not quite young but I don’t think I have been physically fitter before.  I suppose I have the mental health worries to thank for that.  Mind is very old – I suppose that means tired, in need of a rest.  To be able to turn off.  I worry to relax.  Struggle to watch a TV programme or enjoy a movie.  Flashbacks and intrusive memories of past events find these occasions a great time to get involved.

The song finishes with 6 lines

No I don’t feel down

No I don’t feel down

I don’t feel down

I don’t feel down

Don’t feel down

I don’t feel down

I think I have spent 7 years saying this and used loads of different techniques to try and overcome it.  At times they work. What I’m learning now is the best way is to confront the feeling and do something about it.  That is not possible everyday but as long as some come with the right attitude I’m sure I’ll find a way to be ok.

 

Next week we can discuss Blur and the affect Song 2 has had on me. 🙂

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